Saturday, May 3, 2014

Random Pic(k)s Part 6 (21 photos)

More random pic(k)s for you to enjoy on this fine Saturday afternoon.  Viva la resistance!


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Thursday, May 1, 2014

Random Crapp Diet Tips, 2014 Edition

As summer approaches and the days get warmer, its time to start thinking about getting your flabby winter body into swimsuit model mode.  Whether you’re just trying to lose a few pounds or attempting to excise the equivalent of an entire human being made of fat from your belly, it’s time you start thinking about going on a diet.  But what if you’re not sure you can stick to a diet?  After all, your new years resolution to lose weight dissipated like a fart in the breeze.  Well, have no fears.  Your good friends here at Random Crapp have got you covered with a few surefire ways to shed pounds fast!

(Editors note:  This is a humor website.  At no time are we actually suggesting you utilize any of these options.  This is meant as satire.  Don’t be stupid.)

Follow me to beauty!


Not to be confused with anorexia, in which a person has a fear that they are overweight even when they are in fact underweight.  People with anorexia have an intense fear of weight gain and, not to disparage anyone currently struggling with anorexia, lets face it;  if you really had a fear of weight gain, you wouldn't be stuffing $20 steaks down your gullet like you were a goddamn pelican.  
I know I have anorexia because every time I look in the mirror I see a fat person.

No, bulimia is a far more elegant solution to weight loss that involves purging your body of food immediately after eating via vomiting, taking a laxative, diuretic, or stimulant.  Yes, with bulimia you can literally shit yourself to looking beautiful! 

Warning:  Adverse side effects may include but are not limited to:  potassium loss and health deterioration, with depressive symptoms that are often severe and lead to a high risk of suicide.  Good luck!

Diet pills/drugs

Unless someone has painstakingly copied this by hand to a public restroom wall, chances are you’re reading this on the inter-webs.  If that’s the case then you've no doubt come across your fair share of online advertisements for a wide variety of diet pills offering everything from a promise to lose a few extra  pounds of unsightly belly fat,  to shakes and supplements designed to turn that fat into lightly tanned muscle somehow, possibly by magic, we’re not sure.  But with all those options, how are supposed to chose the right one for you?  Answer:  meth.  Wait, what?  You don’t do drugs?  Tell me this.  Have you ever seen a fat drug addict?  Yeah, I didn't think so. 

Warning:  In addition to fat, you may also lose:  teeth, hair, appetite, skin color, memory,  and, eventually, vital signs.  Worth it!


Ok, stay with me on this one.

There are actually unconfirmed rumors of diet pills sold in the 1950’s that contained tapeworms as a way to lose weight.  As long as you don’t mind a little cysticercosis, possible blindness, brain damage and even death in extreme cases.  And trust me, you don’t even want to know what cysticercosis is.  But hey, all that matters is you look good, right? 

I want to be inside you...


See you at the beach!!

 (Do not attempt any of these solutions, seriously, this is a joke.  It pains me that I have to put up this disclaimer.  This is why we can't have nice things.  I just absolutely know that one of you idiots is going to email me asking if you should really try this.  Don't.  Put the internet down and return to your room, the nice people in white coats should be along any minute with your medication.)


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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

New Random Crapp Comic!

The return of the RC Comic!

Turns out I can't draw to save my life, so I created this comic using ToonDoo.  It's a pretty nifty little comic strip creator.  This is just a basic prototype I created in about ten minutes.  I really didn't feel like messing with all the options it offered cause I'm lazy like that.

Anyway, let me know what you think.  Thanks for reading!


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Friday, April 4, 2014

Random Pic(k)s (19 photos)

I know I haven't updated the site recently, and I totally was going to write something new this week, but then I thought, eh.  I'll write something new next week.  In the meantime, enjoy these Random Pic(k)s.


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Thursday, March 6, 2014

Random Crapp Life Rules (16 pics)

Here, for the benefit of all humanity, is a short collection of life rules that have helped me over the years.  Now go forth and be well!


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